June 30th has always been special because it is my mother’s birthday. It seems special on its own, too, simply because it marks the last day of June, that word that seems so much more evocative than the words July or August.
Last year on this day I was leaning over a cliff-side watching my mom’s ashes drift down to her beloved Hawaiian waters…
…and spending the next several days getting to know her beloved Kauai a little bit. The days were just full of her.
Today will be full of errands in town…but it will still be full of her.
As my eyes are often full these days, with missing her.
Two birthdays ago, when her death was still new, I wondered if I would feel her presence still. It hasn’t turned out to be so, tho’ she comes to me in my dreams now and then. And our home is full of her in so many ways…her pictures, her rings, her room…now our room.
She is always with me, in a way, as she always has been.
Tonight, when I return from town, after I’ve put away the groceries and tended the chicks, I will pour a small glass of wine and take it and me out to the dusky garden. Under the nearly-full moon I will sip my wine, bathe in the moon’s glow as my mom used to love to do, and let her love wash over me…and fill me up…as it always has…and it always will.
lynn June 30, 2015 at 11:34 am
My heart flys to you, there is nothing …just nothing like our love for our mothers, we can find consolation and memories of her in every hollow of our hearts. But its the empty space, the space that very special person no longer fills, that is the hardest of all. You were so blessed to have her dear Lesley.
Hugs and Bright Blessings Lynn xx
Lynn June 30, 2015 at 2:58 pm
What a wonderful tribute. Now my eyes are full, too. xoxo
jenni June 30, 2015 at 3:13 pm
such a beautiful tribute to your mom and the photos are just lovely, enjoy your special ritual tonight
sarah June 30, 2015 at 5:05 pm
(((Hugs))) a mother’s love never dies, it pours on us in the night like moonlight, it holds us in memories and dreams.
Cathy Schultz June 30, 2015 at 6:33 pm
It’s been 20 birthdays since my mother passed on and I still think of her…..and visit with her from time to time in my dreams. So lovely that you could take a picture of yourself much like hers on the rocks. I’m sure she’s with you in spirit….especially today.
I’ve been perusing your archives and am quite entranced.
Dori June 30, 2015 at 7:50 pm
Lesley dear, I’ve held you so close in my heart today. From my island porch I will look up at the moon and toast your mom. Dear Lo….you are missed, but so loved and remembered. xo
Jan (in the UK) July 1, 2015 at 11:10 am
This brought tears to my eyes, especially when seeing you on the rocks like your Mother. So much love between you, so much to be remembered and cherished.
I send a hug across the ocean for you on this special day.