December. I had just bought this necklace at a booth nearby,
impulsively choosing it as a sort-of token or emblem of my life
ahead …and recognizing that it and my show badge together
were deeply expressive of the crossroads where
I found myself.
Of course, I knew which road I was going to take…and I
suspected that is was not going to be an easy one. If I believed
in talismans, the necklace would have been a lovely one. Tho’
not a talisman, it has turned out to be a reminder…a simple
thing of beauty…an ideal to aim for …and at times, just
something to cling to.
The six weeks just past have been some of the hardest of my
life. The past few weeks, as my sweet mother has become
more and more herself as she heals from the accident, have
mostly been a struggle inside myself. I have been struggling
with my fears and losses, my selfishness and my sorrow….
but all that is receding now.
At this moment, I am watching the birds on the crisp white
snow outside my studio window. The sun is dipping low and
the birdsong is brightening the already golden light. I can hear
our dog playing on the rug in the room next door…a drum
being gently played in the kitchen where my mom is up from
her nap and reading a book. My heart is at peace and my lips
are smiling and that has been a rare thing lately, I am
sorry to say. But it will be easier from now on.
How much and often my troubles have been eased by
communication of all sorts over these weeks….emails and
comments, telephone calls and conversation with dear ones,
and in my books…now that there is peace and time to read
again. I received word a few weeks ago that my comment
system was going to be shut down. So instead of going
through the complicated shifting to another company, I
decided to print out all of the comments I have received
over the years, let the old comments disappear and simply
switch to blogger comments for the future.
Goodness! What riches I have received in your words
and sharing over the years….now captured on stacked pages
(recycled, of course!) more than two inches deep. It has filled
me up to read and remember all that has been left in this little
place in the hedge. And this has helped me so much to see
how to go forward. Sometime soon, there will be a new link
to the right which will lead to a place where I will write about
my journey as a caregiver to my mother. It will be called
“Under My Wing”…and I don’t really know just yet what
it will be like…I only know that I will probably need a
place to write about it all, and if it helps anyone else
in any small way then I will be glad.
Here, I shall have the pleasure and honor to continue
to write about what I notice in this dear life of mine. I am
rather excited to think what I might discover (and re-discover)
as my time and thoughts can now more often turn towards
homemaking and gardening and books and all the lovely
domestic arts that until recently had to be too often squeezed
in around studio and show-times. These pursuits can more
easily be woven in with the care of my dear mom…
and I trust that I will soon find my voice.
Tristan Robin Blakeman February 9, 2010 at 6:48 pm
I am so glad that your spirit is lifting and you’re having a better point of view.
… and, of course, that your mom is better!
This was a lovely post – I enjoyed reading it. It’s very uplifting – something we can all use now and then!
Anonymous February 9, 2010 at 11:24 pm
I am glad to read that things are going well. Sometimes it is good to be at home doing ‘homey’ things. Right now the weather is forcing it on me and I am enjoying every moment. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to hearing more.
Lesley Austin February 9, 2010 at 11:36 pm
Since my comment system just switched this afternoon, I thought I would try to post the comments I received earlier….for posterity’s sake!
This is so true in different ways.We deal with what we must,when sorrow comes too.But after some time, peace and good thoughts of what has been come over you.
It is a hard time you are going thru now.Take care of the moments you have to take care of yourself in this part of your life (I have been there)
Anonymous | | ‘Sunday 07th of February 2010 06:58:41 | #
I see I am anonymous ,sorry it is not meant to be so
Alette Thorsnes | | Email | Homepage | ‘Sunday 07th of February 2010 07:02:32 | #
It is so good to have a word from you again, Lesley! Praying for grace and blessings on you, and your dear ones, in your daily ministries at home. Sharon
Sharon | | Email | ‘Sunday 07th of February 2010 07:13:39 | #
What a lovely and hopeful post, Lesley. And I think your voice has been with you all along.
Karen Edmisten | | Email | Homepage | ‘Sunday 07th of February 2010 08:40:26 | #
What a delight to click over and see you’ve posted! (thank you) You hit the nail on the head…when hard times come (as they are sure to do) it is the struggle within our own souls that is the hardest to handle. Soul growing can be painful and good all in one. I continue to pray for you and yours whenever you cross my mind (I hung my thankfulness banner in a new place this week so I’ve been thinking of you often lately!
cathy | | Email | Homepage | ‘Sunday 07th of February 2010 10:43:25 | #
I found your lovely blog a couple of months ago, & was so glad to see your post. The images lovely, the words wise and true. Somehow I had not seen any posts since “the bird is in the nest”, so was sorry to hear of your recent challenges. Caregiving is hard work; most certainly a work of love. It sounds as though you are navigating well through this tough time, creating space for the important pieces.
Laurie/Clean Green Homestead | | Email | Homepage | ‘Monday 08th of February 2010 09:37:00 | #
I would like to echo all that the other have said here. You have an extraordinary way of writing that is pleasant for the reader. I am not sure of my writing as yet and so do not have a blog of my own. So I draw inspiration from yours. I will be following “Under My Wing” as you continue with the lovely story of you and your mother.
kathy | | Email | ‘Tuesday 09th of February 2010 12:39:04
Ulla February 10, 2010 at 5:14 pm
I too have felt the need to travel ‘within’… you put it in such lovely perspective. I am joyful that your Mother is recovering, and that you have found a way to sing in your heart. What a wonderful way to keep smiles in hand by reading all your past comments. Life brings us so many challanges, and always when we least expect them. May your path be gentle and filled with sunshine!