These photos were taken a month ago, when my deario and I took a walk through our woods on my birthday. Doug has learned how to take photos with my ipod, and I made a point to ask him to snap some pictures of me when he could during our walk. You see…I noticed that when my sons left home, the photos of me dwindled down to almost nothing.
It felt a bit strange not to be seen, or to have evidence of it, in any case.
Tho’ as I reflected on it, as a rosehip, one feels less “seen” in general. Without trying, it is an easy thing to find photos of young women in advertising and elsewhere and blogs are full of creative, lovely women in their thirties and early forties, usually surrounded by children…but there. If you are in the rosebud or full-blown rose period of life, there are lots of places to see other women like yourself. There are, of course, older women…women in mid-life…out there writing and blogging, but we don’t usually “see” much of them. And the older women we do see most often are highly-polished politicians and television personalities, or so it has seemed to me.
It’s a practical matter as much as anything, I know, because we are often home alone with no one to capture us (if only the hens could handle a camera!). But it is also a matter of confidence, I think, as we find fewer angles and lights that show us as we would like to be shown.
Even in this post, I am much more comfortable with the photos taken from the back. Yet it came to me sometime this winter that what I would like to see is more women my age in the midst of their days, their homes, their lives….their everyday lives. I love to visit Soulemama and Small Things to see that…tho’ there are naturally more photos of the children than the mamas. The human element is so important…and harder to come by at certain seasons of life. When I saw this post, and especially the next-to-the-last photo, I had a sudden longing for such a photo of myself…with my books and notebooks and light about me.
Wouldn’t it be beautiful to capture ourselves deep in the midst of pursuits we love, as we capture our children and other beloveds?
But of course, there are the worries…will people think I am narcissistic? Self-absorbed? Weird? Will it feel false and contrived? And especially, how vulnerable will I feel putting more photos of myself on the web for all to see? Photos that reveal more and more of my mother and father in my face to me, and how strange that feels at the moment?
A few months ago I wouldn’t have put up the last few photos in this post….I have some unease with sharing them. But I also was led to choose them. And these days, I am trying to go more with my heart and spirit and less with my mind. For months I have wanted to start a conversation about this…and make a start with towards manifesting, however imperfectly, these small seeds of becoming more real with myself, and with myself in the world.
This season of the earth coming back to life seems a felicitous time to begin…
.
Dori April 13, 2014 at 6:21 pm
My beautiful friend. These photos are a lovely gift.
Oh…With each passing year it is harder to share photos of my rosehip self, but I know how important it is to have a photo record for our loved ones at the very least, and surely it would be good for younger women too to see us. To have those images capture us doing the many things we do and love would be so wonderful. Wouldn’t it be grand to have a photographer, perhaps another artistic and intuitive woman, follow us about and truly capture us in our element? Cost prohibitive I fear it would be, so I guess we will have to learn to photograph our dear friends, and be bolder about sharing.
sarah April 13, 2014 at 8:21 pm
Beautiful photos of a beautiful woman (and I have always so loved your hair and your style) and also a great topic for discussion. I love what you have written and very much agree with you. I make a steely effort to photograph myself (or once in a blue moon let someone take them of me) because I think that one day my grandchildren or great-grandchildren might really want them. My favourite picture of myself was snapped when I was writing, and I love it because it will show future generations who I really was, in context. But I have always been camera-shy, regardless of my age.
I myself don’t like to share photos of me much online because I cherish privacy. I have shared in the past and it’s made me feel uncomfortable. However, there is guilt. As women we’re told often by other women to accept and embrace ourselves by sharing honest/raw pictures of ourselves with others – and there is a sense of negativity if we don’t like to do so. (Not at all saying this is what you express in this post, rather I’m thinking of some of the photo memes out there). I understand their positive motives, but in a way not showing myself is an act of self-expression and self-love.
Having said that, there is something really special about seeing a word-friend in image. Writing can be very expressive but there is nothing like the look in an eye or the soft curve of a smile to truly convey a person’s spirit. Thank you for your courage and consideration in sharing these lovely snaps of you. <3
jenni April 13, 2014 at 8:24 pm
These photos are beautiful and I just love your long hair. I am a little younger, in my mid thirties but I definitely shy away from having my picture taken so I don’t have many and I don’t take a lot of ‘selfies’ but wish i could feel more comfortable with it, your post and your words as always have helped me to think about this in a deeper way. Thank you
Ellie April 13, 2014 at 8:31 pm
What gorgeous hair you have! Thank you for sharing 🙂
I, like Sarah above, cherish my privacy, and that of my children, and so I don’t share photos of our faces, and I blog using pseudonyms … I do share hair photos though because I am quite fond of hair. 🙂
There are not many photos of me, far more of the children over the years. Just recently my stepfather took a few of me with the children, and that was a special treat.
Debbie Hosaflook April 13, 2014 at 11:54 pm
Oh Lesley, thank you so much for this. I went back to read why you consider yourself a Rosehip and realized that this is what I am too. At the age of 49, my body is beginning to change and begin the next stage of it’s journey. The changes and shifts are unsettling for me and I am grasping at trying to accept them. I have very, very few friends my age with whom I can talk to about these changes. Ironically, most of the women I am friends with are 18-20 years younger than me which makes this even more difficult. They are in their primes, starting their families, nursing their babies, etc. I welcome and embrace the aging process, but learning the workings and limits of my advancing body is at times, trying. I would love to have more blogs to read and relate to about this subject and thank you so much for being there, here, for us 🙂 You are a beautiful, beautiful woman inside AND out. You keep on giving that camera to your hubby and let him snap away. I am sure he loves seeing your beauty thru the lens of the camera too.
Much love to you my fellow Virginian Rosehip 😉
Debbie
Catherine (@foxglovelane) April 14, 2014 at 11:33 am
Have just had a beautiful visit to this wonderfully designed haven of peace! Your husband does well with the camera too!
Marilyn April 22, 2014 at 8:22 pm
Your photos are just lovely. Something to think on also. Recently my aunt died at 93 years and someone asked for a picture of me with my aunt. I realized I didn’t have any because I am always the one behind the camera. A few times I have asked my husband to take my photo, but do feel uncomfortable with it. I am just not use to being in front of the camera at all. Thanks for the encouragement.