Wanting to join in with Kim Klassen’s Texture Tuesday again, I looked for a recent photo that might speak to more than just me. And the ragged heart-leaf at the edge of the water seemed a likely candidate.
But then my thoughts of the universal joy in finding heart-shapes in nature became “oh, then the world will see your Barney Rubble feet”…so christened by a girl in the locker room of gym class forty years ago or so.
Now, I usually smile when I think of that description of my small, wide feet and I did even in that long-ago locker room. But there is always a moment when you are putting a photo on the web-for all to see-when the inner critic raises it’s often ugly head. I don’t have as strong an inner critic as many women, and its voice is getting less and less important to me. But I cannot deny its presence, which is what compelled me to go ahead and post this photo without another thought…
I chose this photo in the first place because it was a happy moment in the sun…with just myself and the breeze, the sand, the rocks and the undulating river. I was wearing the brown and pink thrift store pants that are pretty enough to make me choose them over my usual dress. I was wearing them low on my hips over my bathing suit because…I want to now. I feel confident and at home in this newly slender form, even with it wrinkles and pains and continually-surprising changes.
And I put my foot purposely forward in the photo, because I am quite taken with the necklace I wear wrapped around my ankle these days. It was given to me in honor of my mothering, tho’ this year I am wearing it to remind me of my womb, my second heart, as I walk this healing journey. I wore it around my neck for many months, but even its tiny weight irritated an old neck injury, so I wrapped it around my ankle one day when I realized how it was bothering me. And now it brings me pleasure when I see it throughout the day…and sometimes discomfort when I feel it when I am curled up in my chair as I type or pull on a pair of socks against the late summer chill. But I am glad to reminded to send my body some love when that happens…
Because this last version of the photo showed me the why behind it all…the taking of the photo and the choosing and what the textures revealed. When I saw the rosy pink heart and foot that emerged when I chose the “luminosity” (isn’t that a lovely serendipity? def. shedding light) setting on Kim’s totalgrunge texture, I was reminded that it is best when it all comes back to Love.
I am simply trying to better love the earth, my aging body, the pain and the beauty of life, everything…everyone.
Tammy August 20, 2013 at 4:19 pm
Dori August 20, 2013 at 6:20 pm
Yes…it does all come back to Love. I like that rosy glow that came out with Kim’s setting so much. The life giving fragile things glowing….
sarah August 20, 2013 at 9:35 pm
I have small wide feet also – makes buying shoes a great difficulty. What I noticed about your photo was the anklet, I didn’t even look at your foot.
Deb August 21, 2013 at 12:12 am
oh how I loved this post Lesley!
and your creative anklet ~ an idea I will ‘borrow’ as I too have a neck injury and find that any added weight is often too much.
beautiful photo & texture ♥
slsmyth August 21, 2013 at 12:23 am
There must be something about feet today — you referred to yours as “Barney Rubble”; another referred to hers as “Freds” as in “Fred Flintstone”. Anyway…reading your thoughts, it reminded me that I do this too — we all do it. We reach a stage and an age where we more readily embrace ourselves for all of who we are, and yet, when we see something in a photograph that we consider sharing, we take that step back and our critical eye creeps out. I’m glad you posted these photos. I’m glad that you wear your necklace on your ankle to keep it close to you in a place that is comfortable. And from this post I’m reminding myself to accept my limitations as well as my ability to go above and beyond in other ways. And to be comfortable with all of who I am, in every way. Beautiful sharing Lesley.
jill klase August 21, 2013 at 11:51 pm
Beautiful words Lesley, thanks for sharing. I had to chuckle about the locker room talk. I was once told by a friend who was looking straight at me, that my nose was a bit crooked. I remember thinking…’and this is important news?’ Glad you love your feet, as I love my crooked nose I inherited from my beloved Grandma.
EarlK August 25, 2013 at 4:45 am
Very creative. But, I like your feet in the first photo best..
Unknown September 12, 2013 at 9:58 am
we have the same feet.