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Wanting to join in with Kim Klassen’s Texture Tuesday again, I looked for a recent photo that might speak to more than just me. And the ragged heart-leaf at the edge of the water seemed a likely candidate.
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But then my thoughts of the universal joy in finding heart-shapes in nature became “oh, then the world will see your Barney Rubble feet”…so christened by a girl in the locker room of gym class forty years ago or so.
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Now, I usually smile when I think of that description of my small, wide feet and I did even in that long-ago locker room. But there is always a moment when you are putting a photo on the web-for all to see-when the inner critic raises it’s often ugly head. I don’t have as strong an inner critic as many women, and its voice is getting less and less important to me. But I cannot deny its presence, which is what compelled me to go ahead and post this photo without another thought…
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I chose this photo in the first place because it was a happy moment in the sun…with just myself and the breeze, the sand, the rocks and the undulating river. I was wearing the brown and pink thrift store pants that are pretty enough to make me choose them over my usual dress. I was wearing them low on my hips over my bathing suit because…I want to now. I feel confident and at home in this newly slender form, even with it wrinkles and pains and continually-surprising changes.
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And I put my foot purposely forward in the photo, because I am quite taken with the necklace I wear wrapped around my ankle these days. It was given to me in honor of my mothering, tho’ this year I am wearing it to remind me of my womb, my second heart, as I walk this healing journey. I wore it around my neck for many months, but even its tiny weight irritated an old neck injury, so I wrapped it around my ankle one day when I realized how it was bothering me. And now it brings me pleasure when I see it throughout the day…and sometimes discomfort when I feel it when I am curled up in my chair as I type or pull on a pair of socks against the late summer chill. But I am glad to reminded to send my body some love when that happens…
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Because this last version of the photo showed me the why behind it all…the taking of the photo and the choosing and what the textures revealed. When I saw the rosy pink heart and foot that emerged when I chose the “luminosity” (isn’t that a lovely serendipity? def. shedding light) setting on Kim’s totalgrunge texture, I was reminded that it is best when it all comes back to Love.
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I am simply trying to better love the earth, my aging body, the pain and the beauty of life, everything…everyone.
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