…about the year past as the present one continues to falter and flow.
I can say with gladness that my mom is safe and happy, that we all continue
to love and appreciate each other, and that we have enormous amounts of
things to be thankful for (and are!). And tho’ I continue to feel unsettled,
I am settling into that feeling and trying to go with it.
Yesterday I had a day at home to myself (well, myself and two crews of
workman-one outside the front door and the other under the kitchen floor)
because my deario took mom and boy into town. When I wasn’t setting my
studio back to rights, I spent some time with my calendar and notebooks.
I didn’t make much progress, but it felt good just to have them spread
about me…and to have my thoughts spread about me, too, all to myself
for a little while.
I found myself sitting in my old, cosy high-backed chair by the kitchen
window with the bird feeder just outside. This chair used to be my perch,
my place, the Queen’s chair, but now it is my mom’s kitchen seat and I am
truly glad for her to have it…but I do miss it sometimes, and will try to
spend more time there when Mom is napping or otherwise engaged.
.
I did rather alot of wandering about the house, sitting in our old bedroom
for a bit (which also became my mom’s when she moved in last Christmas),
standing in my newly tidy studio and picturing what it will be like when I
can get to it through the house and won’t need to walk outside, looking
around our current tiny upstairs bedroom and wondering if I will be ready
to leave it when my mom’s little wing is finished in a few weeks and our
rooms and spots shift around again.
There’s been quite a Goldilocks feel to the past year…trying out new
chairs and beds and routines and mental spaces and so much more…
looking for the ones that are “just right”. Sometimes even finding them…
tho’ not always for long. But I am learning to go with that. And when
I needed to find a new place for my beloved notebooks yesterday, and
couldn’t find a shelf or drawer that sufficed, I noticed the empty basket
that I had brought in from my studio (an empty basket! A wonder!)
and knew it to be the perfect home. Wherever my bedroom might be,
whichever seat I curl up in in the kitchen, wherever my mom’s needs
might take me, my basket of books can go with me.
.
Who knows? I might even get some planning done…I might even
finish all the little details and corners here are that are patiently
awaiting my attention (my laptop could fit nicely in my basket, too).
Life has been a bit rocky lately, but seems to be smoothing out for
the moment. I want to find more time to write here and at my other
blogs…oh for a container for our hours as easily
found as my basket, yes?
A Happy February to you….
sarah February 6, 2011 at 6:46 am
There is such a gentleness to your writing and photographs … and a kindness to your spirit … that inspires me deeply. How blessed your mother is to have such a generous and loving daughter to care for her and keep her safe and loved at her time of need.
I am happy your studio is coming along.
Lynn February 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Hello, beautiful woman! How I love that photo of you and the ladies!!
Thinking of you as you practice being the calm spot in the midst of the hurricane, and so glad that you had that delicious day to yourself. Take care, friend…
the wild magnolia February 6, 2011 at 7:23 pm
Love the photo of you and the “henny Penny’s”.
You speak of “learning to go with it”, me thinks this is your journey just now. All at once, without looking for it, you realize the settling in is finished.
And then…a new journey.
Blessings!
kerrie of sea cottage February 6, 2011 at 10:59 pm
I’ve been journaling alot this week about finding ‘my place’ back home. After Homeschooling my children ended two years ago(earlier than I had planned) I have been in transition…a transition of finding my place again. Reading your post today made me think of that…we are going through changes…unexpected changes that unsettle us for a time but only to resettle us again. I will write more of my changes on my In The Quiet blog soon.
You are very pretty…and your gentle ways always soften my heart. thank you.
Denise February 7, 2011 at 2:06 pm
This comment has been removed by the author.
Denise February 7, 2011 at 2:07 pm
I love what you wrote, the comments written prior to mine, that you had the day to yourself (sweet Doug) and that you are finding ways to feed your spirit in the midst of caring for your dear mother. This balance is so important. Love you and admire you lots. Your voice may be soft, but your spirit is strong.
Lesley February 7, 2011 at 2:50 pm
I thought it was a lovely post too. I cared for my elderly mother for many years, before she sadly went into a nursing home due to dementia. The fact that you can still be so peaceful and serene speaks volumes. 🙂
Laurie February 9, 2011 at 2:21 am
Your kind, generous spirit always speaks to me. It sounds as though you are navigating your way well. Wonderful picture of you & the girls!
Susan February 9, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Love the photo of you with your beautiful hair.
An inspirational post—as always.