December. I had just bought this necklace at a booth nearby,
impulsively choosing it as a sort-of token or emblem of my life
ahead …and recognizing that it and my show badge together
were deeply expressive of the crossroads where
I found myself.
Of course, I knew which road I was going to take…and I
suspected that is was not going to be an easy one. If I believed
in talismans, the necklace would have been a lovely one. Tho’
not a talisman, it has turned out to be a reminder…a simple
thing of beauty…an ideal to aim for …and at times, just
something to cling to.
The six weeks just past have been some of the hardest of my
life. The past few weeks, as my sweet mother has become
more and more herself as she heals from the accident, have
mostly been a struggle inside myself. I have been struggling
with my fears and losses, my selfishness and my sorrow….
but all that is receding now.
At this moment, I am watching the birds on the crisp white
snow outside my studio window. The sun is dipping low and
the birdsong is brightening the already golden light. I can hear
our dog playing on the rug in the room next door…a drum
being gently played in the kitchen where my mom is up from
her nap and reading a book. My heart is at peace and my lips
are smiling and that has been a rare thing lately, I am
sorry to say. But it will be easier from now on.
How much and often my troubles have been eased by
communication of all sorts over these weeks….emails and
comments, telephone calls and conversation with dear ones,
and in my books…now that there is peace and time to read
again. I received word a few weeks ago that my comment
system was going to be shut down. So instead of going
through the complicated shifting to another company, I
decided to print out all of the comments I have received
over the years, let the old comments disappear and simply
switch to blogger comments for the future.
Goodness! What riches I have received in your words
and sharing over the years….now captured on stacked pages
(recycled, of course!) more than two inches deep. It has filled
me up to read and remember all that has been left in this little
place in the hedge. And this has helped me so much to see
how to go forward. Sometime soon, there will be a new link
to the right which will lead to a place where I will write about
my journey as a caregiver to my mother. It will be called
“Under My Wing”…and I don’t really know just yet what
it will be like…I only know that I will probably need a
place to write about it all, and if it helps anyone else
in any small way then I will be glad.
Here, I shall have the pleasure and honor to continue
to write about what I notice in this dear life of mine. I am
rather excited to think what I might discover (and re-discover)
as my time and thoughts can now more often turn towards
homemaking and gardening and books and all the lovely
domestic arts that until recently had to be too often squeezed
in around studio and show-times. These pursuits can more
easily be woven in with the care of my dear mom…
and I trust that I will soon find my voice.