May 2010

Unexpectedly, we were gathered in the pasture
this afternoon to lay to rest the body of our sweet
Caledonia. We have lost so many animals over the
years, a natural thing when you surround yourself
with hens and stray cats and dogs and goats and
the wild creatures that sometimes pass through
our hands.

Usually I am able to find a fitting poem or
blessing to contribute to the burial…but I could find
no words today. I did find a twig in the pasture and sat
on the cushiony fallen grass…thought of Cally and wove
the wildflowers and tasseled grasses to the twig
while my husband and son shoveled earth.

Our son reflected that Caledonia was the first of our
creatures to have been here from her birth to her
death. As I twined the stems, I realized that our
remaining goats, Duncan and Mackay, could probably
be considered elderly, too, and that our pastures
and barn might be empty in the near future.

That is poignant to think of, and I hope it is ages
in coming. Tho’ I don’t spend time with our goats
every day (since the milking years, quite long ago) those
moments spent scratching their foreheads over the fence,
or spreading hay for them and listening to them munch
in the twilit barn, are some of the best moments
to be had.

We loved knowing you, Cally sweet.

*As I was beginning to wilt from lack of comments,
I thought to check my post and found a dreadful
message at the bottom “new comments not allowed”.
Oh my! New comments are always allowed, they
are welcomed like the sunshine and the warm,
spring rain. Please comment away, the problem
is now fixed.*

…without much success at the moment, I must
admit, but trying nonetheless. You see, I thought that
with the urgency of business gone I would be able to
craft more rhythm to our days. I even have the framework
of outside engagements, something we have never had
with our self-employed, homeschooling lifestyle.

Now I have the regularity of two afternoons a week in
town…really two days in town with the doctor’s visits and
such often added on. But several hours each of these days
on my own, while my mom is with her lovely respite care
group. I found a delightful coffee shop where I try to spend
one of my afternoons and hope to get in the habit of
writing blog posts there. And Fridays find me at the
library, gathering armfuls of inspiration from its
bookshelves or being soothed by its outside
fountains as I read nearby.

Apart from this slender framework, everything else
is still settling in….especially at home. We have had
so many little celebrations lately (lovely!) and cataract
surgeries and appointments (not so lovely, but
necessary) that the quiet days at home seem to
be spent recovering from the busy ones.
Do you know what I mean?

I seem to be always longing for more pattern
and routine, while at the same time not being sure
I am made that way….but I would like to give it a
good try. Ahhh….wouldn’t it be nice to have a week
or two, with no other demands than that of getting
into a rhythm of days that encompassed enough
goodly exercise, time and energy to give me a home
that is just pretty enough and clean enough, space
to take on a big project or two (in little bits, of
course), some rest and relaxation…oh, and
taking care of everyone and everything.
Is that asking too much?

I know that it is, actually, but a girl can dream.
In the meantime, I will go on slowly, slowly making
progress, looking for inspiration here and there. Do
you struggle with and long for this, as well?
Well….I will go on writing about my homemaking
adventures in the days to come, and more regularly-
just as soon as I can find a pattern for my days!

*The photos, from top to bottom are from our
eldest son’s birthday (homemade white almond
cake-yum), May Day, the first strawberries
from the garden, and Mothers Day.*