A sort-of circle of last year’s photographs…the upper left corner is January and circling ’round to the right through the months and me feeding the hens their treat of oatmeal porridge on Christmas morning in the very center. As I typed the words for the title of this post, I remembered the wording on a birthday card I used to make…
“Pleas’d to look forward,
pleas’d to look behind,
and count each birthday with a grateful mind.”
I do feel the same about the years, as they turn, but there is more to count than gratitude, tho’ I can probably say truthfully it is always first. But I count the year past also with a confused mind, a struggling heart, and a perplexed spirit…none of which tidily disappeared as I closed the door on December. Here we are, really, on the threshold of January 2014. I’ve seen it typed in black and white several times today (tho’ I have yet to write it myself!), but it doesn’t seem quite real to me yet…I am still hovering in the doorway.
But even as I write that, I realize my folly. Why do we think we think that it will be so very different when we cross a threshold? Sometimes, perhaps. But oftentimes, we may find a new room that is very much like the old room, with all the same possibilities of beauty and disorder, comfort and poor lighting, lovely company awaiting us or cat fur to scrape off the sofa before we can sit.
And why do I always believe I should be ready, when I almost never feel so? I feel just the same as I did a year ago when I posted this in January….well, not just the same, of course. I’ve had a year’s worth of experiences and feelings in the meantime. The challenges that make me want to shut the door awhile are different. But perhaps if I start to believe that I don’t have to be “ready” to cross these thresholds, or that what I find on the other side of it will necessarily be that astonishing or bright or better…I won’t keep starting the New Year from a sick bed.
Perhaps, I will learn to just acknowledge that it is a threshold for me, at the turn of the year. I’ve always loved the word and the idea of it, but have never really known its origin or meaning. And a quick peruse of my dictionary leaves me with a mystery about it…and I rather like that. So…
Here I am on the threshold…I can and do look back at what I am leaving…I put my hand on the door, look through the glass, wonder what I will find on the other side…perhaps while I linger, I may carve a blessing in the wood of the lintel…but all that is really required is that I am brave enough to take the step…yes?
That is all that is required of any of us.
Shall I wish you a Happy New Year, or brave stepping?
I shall just wish you both.
.
Deb January 2, 2014 at 1:13 pm
good morning Lesley,
beautiful mosaic re-cap ~ I spot sparrows!
“brave stepping” … such a wonderful phrase for the New Year ~ I wish you happiness in both xo
lynn January 2, 2014 at 1:14 pm
My feelings are ….I celebrate Yule, the solstice, the return of the light, and at this time I take my first step away from the darkness, and enter the awakening..the time of change..To me the” New Year” is a man made calender and not one that fits into nature and her gentle ways. Yes I fit into the social expectations and wish all a Happy New Year, even though for me the calender just changes, whilst deep in my subconscious the gentle change was begun at Yule. Also I have had that time before the New Year to look back and reflect on expectations and loss and change. For no matter what happens.. my life is held in the hands of the Gods and what ever comes is always endured and no amount of planning or trepidation prepares me for that joy or sorrow, life is such a gift we can never loose we can only gain with every step we take.
Brightest Blessings Lovely Lesley
Lynn xxx
Lesley January 2, 2014 at 3:47 pm
So interesting, Lynn…I realized even as I wrote that, as you say, life comes over the threshold whether we are stepping or not. Your own inner calendar seems so free from modern tradition, and I think you have been aware longer than I. But as much as I honor the solstice, I find that this time of year is my quietest and darkest-feeling. Perhaps Candlemas/Imbolc is more my true New Year…good to feel our ways towards our own rhythms and I am grateful you shared a glimpse of yours. xo
lynn January 2, 2014 at 6:19 pm
I totally agree also xx How I wish I could share a chai latte and a cosy morning with you, I suspect you would be amazing company xxx
Tessa~ January 8, 2014 at 6:38 pm
Oh my! Why haven’t I ever been here, before?
Well, I came over from Heather’s “Beauty The Moves” blog and I’m here now. Thank you for being here. What a wonderful sounding place. -happy sigh- and lots more happy sighs…
I’ll wander around and find more and enjoy. And will most certainly, come back.
Gentle hugs,
Tessa~
“Here there be musing” blog