October 2010

for want of an egg…

I have been spinning some dreams lately…
because of a random email I received about
something I used to make…because I am longing
for connection and the exchange of ideas and
conversation…because, and I am not afraid to
say it, I wish to make some money….because I have
had this idea of a little something to offer to the
world and I was thinking it might be the time
to breath it into life.

I have been spending spare moments in research
and hoping to soon question friends about their
thoughts on it. I have been wondering if I really
have the time to make a go of it and wondering many
other things besides. In fact, the first part of my
afternoon here at the library was devoted to
high-speed research in the quiet rooms for the
first hour, followed by the low-speed reading of
a book about using visual journaling to figure out
creative entrepreneuring questions…in the
sunshine, by the library’s fountain.

Just after I finished my lunch and was delving
deeper into The Creative Entrepreneur, my cell
phone rang. It was my husband, telling me our son
had finally called from college and was coming home
for a late breakfast tomorrow. Pancakes will be
expected, I know, so as I mentally checked through
our stores of flour and milk and syrup, I paused at the
thought of eggs (the little women are not laying yet,
more’s the pity). Indeed, my husband informed me,
we had only three eggs. Not enough for pancakes for
four menfolk and two wee-stomached ladyfolk.
I am sorry to say I rather grumpily said goodbye
to my deario….because I realized that this meant
an unplanned trip to the grocery store during my
afternoon off.

All in that moment, I also realized that I was
very much putting the cart before the horse with
all of my plotting and planning. If the thought of
an unexpected little trip to the grocery store has me
flustered, I am certainly not ready to take on the
launching of a New Something with all of the
challenges and hills to climb that it would involve.
I can acknowledge that I haven’t yet settled well
and completely into my new life as caregiver, and
had only recently found that my mind wasn’t
constantly turning towards things to create for
Small Meadow Press-tho’ I had reached that
place until a week or so ago.

It is so bewitching to
follow all the glowing threads of a shiny new idea….a
more sober joy to be slowly fingering my way along
the homespun threads already in my hand.

As I put my phone away and gazed up into the crepe
myrtle branches above me, watching the tiny clouds
in the blue sky…I knew I had made a decision, and
that it was the right decision. My ideas will wait.
In the meantime, there is a family to love and care
for, a home to tend much more fully than I have
been, gardens to plan and posts to write here. My
ideas will probably do more than wait, as I think about
it…. they will probably be nourished and watered by
all that I devote myself more whole-heartedly
to right now.

Before I walked to the coffee shop to do some
plotting and planning in my household notebook,
I bent to gather a few gifts from the lovely crepe myrtle…
some red and gold heart-shaped leaves and some
beautiful seed pods….to remind me that love matters
most and that seeds can wait for their
time in the sun.