2007

This little pot and its floating snail shells have been bringing me pleasure each time I happen to look upon it….on the windowsill or the photo of it on my computer…..as have your lovely words and sympathy, when I read them on my computer or think of them during the day-and I do-often.

I have had two pain-free days in a row, and feel like I am on the other side of the endo for now.
It has been a very “perservering”time-these past few weeks. I didn’t actually take a holiday, tho’ my shop was closed…but used the time to focus on designing new things and making lots of stock for the big show ahead. When I needed to lay down, there was always some handwork I could do to keep the stacks of pretty paper things growing, or design-work on the laptop to do.
So it has actually been a productive time and also a time of taking good care of myself. The return of the endo made me get back to eating well, and exercising faithfully-things I let slip early this summer when my father died.

Too much of the summer I feel as tho’ I have had my head down and shoulder to the wheel of- what?….coping I suppose….and the next few days will need even more perserverance. I am just going to say the ripples of divorce can be felt even 25 years down the road. And that I am dreading my fathers’ full-military-honors funeral in Arlington on Wednesday for many a reason. I will be taking all the Grace that surrounds us and wrapping up the day in it as best I can and just keep picturing myself with my brothers and all my extended family afterwards-enjoying a peaceful meal together and looking towards the future.

There has been so much comfort over the weeks in the familiar rhythms of cutting and folding and threading of ribbon…and packaging up your orders….they have been surprisingly helpful during this time of so much that is unfamiliar and unwelcome. I am SO looking forward to my next conversation with you about all the new things I have been making, and the new website I am building and some tickets I have to give away for the Green Festival and some perhaps-news about my work in a magazine….until then…

What a strange Summer this has been, a complicated mixture of the dark and the light. Illness and death, parting with dear friends, the home circle changing with a dear son working away from home, the giving up of many expectations for the summer….all this mingled with the flowers that have bloomed, the meals shared in the fresh air, the outings, the English mystery novels and the fruits from the garden.

Writing about it has made me think of this quote from the Quaker, George Fox:

“I saw, also, that there was an ocean of darkness and death; but an infinite ocean of light and love, which flowed over the ocean of darkness.”

(This is an eraser-carving I made years ago to illustrate the above quote for a women’s retreat.)

Long days of giving medicine to loved people and good dogs, and hours in the studio struggling to make ideas come to life, are giving way to healing and lovely new creations and hope.

I have been hampered in the past few weeks with hints that the endometriosis that is usually under control, was awakening again and it finds me nearly immobile for the past 24 hours. But because I can’t do much of anything else for this short time, I am able to sit with laptop on my belly, like a heating pad, and say hello here. And I hope this finds you well, and if not well, atleast able to find some sweetness, some where.

When I look at this photo, I see the stacks of magazines that I intended to go through this summer, finding just what I really loved and wanted to keep. Instead, since time hasn’t allowed that, I have been changing out the top-most ones to summery pictures that give me pleasure…every once and awhile as I walk by. The way life seems to be going these days, I may be changing out the issues to reflect the Autumn and perhaps I will even be rummaging to find the Christmas issues.

That feels ok. I am pushing aside thoughts these days of my muddled closets and the vestibule to the garage where the path down the steps gets smaller and smaller as we pile up the thrift store bags. Instead, I am looking at this photo and seeing the typewriter that my youngest son’s friends have enjoyed using on visits this summer, and the garland that has given me such joy (especially now knowing its twin has the honor of adorning Cherry’s lovely kitchen), and the cupboard whose doors have been opened many evenings so that we could watch good movies together, and that the drought has finally ended and the world is greening up again outside.

Do forgive me if this has been too serious or jumbled (could it be the pain meds?)….but it will be helpful for me to read when I am up and around again and the printer stops working or someone else falls ill or the dogs chew through the porch door-again-and I am not feeling quite so serene about it all!

I look forward to writing soon about all the ideas for Small Meadow Press things that you have stopped by to share, and questions you have asked and what I have been thinking about lately in regards to business and paper and so many things. Oh my! Here is another realization-I had intended to share so many things in this journal this summer and haven’t. Well….more practice in acceptance and hoping that Life will open up the time for that in the future.

In the meantime, you have my wishes for a sweet end-of-Summer, and that you find many moments of sunshine in between the storms and cloudy hours.